i just can't immerse myself in tiny worlds anymore
there's just so much more i have to do in this world that I can't move out or within
the emotional baggage of the person you used to know
the "I'm thankful for the you I know in memories, not the one you have become"
if only life was a story that made sense
I think its the idea of all the unknown space in the world (and beyond) that completely freaks me out. I am really, really scared of not knowing. Like really, really. I need to know everything that exists, well as in I don't need to know everything about everything but I need to know that they exist.
And I go completely insane the instant I try to do some googling and youtubing of theories of the galaxy, aliens, space, religion... I go into panic mode, alarms ring in my head, because something is clearly wrong. Something is just not right about space where I would say the possibility of et life is more than can be expected. Opened tabs of space sightings, creepy alien "conspiracies" etc don't last more than ten seconds.. I can never face up to the possibility that they may be real, just think about the shockwaves it will send throughout the world let alone into my head.
Today I did something "brave", only a wuss like me would call it brave but I found it brave, and thinking about it still leaves me cheery and high. I think I have been very content with the status quo over the past few weeks, in a very stable, comfortable world of my own that I have forgotten how to face up to reality. Reality is overrated of course, but there are so many things in this "reality" that I treasure, that I try to remember and keep hold of in the case that -what if this reality was the only truth?- then at least that will be a couple of twigs to break my fall, if only in the slightest.
over the past couple of days
I have become a bit more emotional, a bit more.. caring about my surroundings, abm understanding of people, abm appreciative of beauty, skill and kindness... and I think this boosts my philosophical cause slightly. My mind is gradually being opened up against the limits that human has created and I am slowly able to see and understand what IZ truth. What life iz.
Problem is that it is way too easy to just forget what I have thought of and just slump back into the normal state of mind.
Why so sucky?
W said it right
we are all Leonard Shelbys aren't we, we haven't got a god damn clue about life
arrgh
噢~~似曾相识
那一片阴沉如海的天
和你擦身而过
有些晃神你再回头
才发现我的行路在延
我却无法解释是谁
乱了我生活
该怎么做才能把回忆都删去
该怎么做才能把回忆都删除
错过了幸福我像跌入迷雾
遇见你有种似曾相识的感觉
仿佛有种同样感受在你的眼底
能必能让我们再相遇
能必能让我再次认识你
似曾相识犹如游戏
那一片深入你的世界
和你擦身而过
却忘了要往哪里走
才感觉我的心看不见
我该怎么解释是你
乱了我生活
我看见同样感受在你眼底
遇见你有种似曾相识的感觉
是否在前世我们有逆转不去
能必能这次改变命运
能必能这次让我真的爱你
还是往事别在提起
遇见你有种似曾相识的感觉
是否在前世我们有逆转不去
能必能让我把你忘记
能必能把我定下对你追寻
或许我能不再想你
遇见你有种似曾相识的感觉
I guess at the end of the day, we were never MEANT to be together, I was never meant and fated to know everything about you (in fact I only know like 1% of you), and well, we live in separate worlds.
But it just gives me that horribly bitter feeling that I am so out of control that I have absolutely no idea where the heck you are and what you have been up to. Even when I am just passing by, wait a minute are you even there?
I mean come on, I really DESERVE to get the chance to just ask the simple question of:
How's life? How are you?
And maybe that will go some way to quelling that ghastly mind-itching feeling that I am stuck with since forever. Even if I know there is definitely room for more than just that.
I need to know you and where you are going so bad.
Young and full of running
Tell me where is that taking me
Just a great figure 8, or a tiny infinity?
Love is really nothing
But a dream that keeps waking me
For all of my trying
We still end up dying
How can it be?
Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.
So young and full of running, all the way to the edge of desire
Steady my breathing, silently screaming,
"I have to have you now"
Wired, and I'm tired
Think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
Maybe this mattress will spin on its axis and find me on yours
Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.
{BRIDGE}
Don't say a word just come over and lie here with me
'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.
1. Learn piano
2. read the recommended stuff
3. watch the moviez
4. philo
5. maybe give
6. TRY AND BUY MY XBOX AND COMPUTER AND ACOUSTIC
7. nature guiding come on
8. mahjong, bridge, chinese chess, you name it..
and most importantly remember to maintain MY pace of life, my rhythm, my thoughts.
being somewhat vain and conscious about what other people think of me has been my undoing ALL THIS FUCKING WHILE. it's the reason why I even bothered to study when I was completely adamant that I was not going to, the reason why I am tired and worried, the reason why I am unable to achieve my fullest potential thus far.
So from today onwards I better remember to ALWAYS DROWN OUT ALL THE SOCIAL VOICES, keep my head down and think like IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII would and should.
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