All nonsense are for the present; these thoughts are forever.

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

the person I am at home is not the person I am once I step out of my house, or log on to the Internet.

And I know which one of them I would choose. Which one of them is beautiful. Throughout the year it has been anxiety, worry, fear, pain.. and for what? absolutely nothing. Nothing but social pressure to conform. Social values that are completely wrong.

And I realise that outside of the world I create within the confines of my home, I am completely incapable of integrity. In my head the values somehow get convoluted because I just can't think like the calm and warm person I am at home (and away from the computer). And then I can't pass on my values to anyone else because when I open my mouth there is this need to maintain being socially acceptable as if I am perfectly normal and perfectly group-ish.

And because of all this social hoohah I have for long neglected a whole world of beauty that is right infront of me. That is unfortunately losing some of its beauty.

Seriously, why I am chasing after life when I already have me and my thoughts, and something just so much more magical than life can ever conjure up? That is more real than anything else unless you listen to all the yada-yada on the outside merely interested in self-promotion and a good material life.

once again, FUCK OFF. Call me anything you want. You don't matter and don't even fucking exist.

i'm quite a nice guy, with not so nice evil plans.

then again i don't remember you

I am not really sure whether I should do this or not, because it is a very limiting pledge, but I think for now it is perfectly okay. And in a sense I need it, for my own benefit, for my life, to give me that conviction to be the perfect me.

"I swear to the heavens, to the hells and everywhere in between, that I will do anything and nothing and be prepared to face any imaginable consequence in the name of beauty and purity."

I have been obsessed with beauty in my mind over the past many hours, and have been seeking them out, and I know somehow that this is how I need to spend the rest of my life.. I can't ask for anymore, because nothing is truly more. And this gives me renewed optimism and drive in life, to carry on living despite feeling very trapped and limited in my human form. Hope that didn't sound too wrong.

Love life so much to explore just go find them :)

don't be like them, try not to think too much about them, don't let them influence you - shut them out!

they make beauty so much more precious, they make my world better =D

but continue to hate them of course

ugly,ugly,ugly! i look left and right and all I see is pure shit ugliness

maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places, maybe my vision is ugly

but god damn it, there are just so many things and people you can never convince yourself to love

fucking farts

i realise i'm a person who values beauty and kindness too much.

you see that in the people/person i like :) :"(
the things i do
the things i don't do
the people i associate with
my usual manner
my way of judging things

and more and more I find myself trying to seek out beauty in everyday living, because I realise that deep among the messes are sometimes really heart warming actions and artworks, and I feel it, just maybe don't show it, or a bit too scared to give a good response where it was over due.

Ultimately, I need them, because anything else gives me a bad headache. And many times, when I commit those stupid deeds myself, it just makes me feel very sorry when I look back. There is really no such thing as too much here! I'm right, I know it, they are the part of the only truths in life.

I didn't create this post to show what a 'genuine' person I am. I didn't, and I'm surely not that genuine.

What I need here is for this to serve as a reminder to myself to try and uphold these values, because I am really very forgetful, and sometimes I just forget what is truly truly important in my existence.

you see.. the things I pointed out, they are choices that aren't that spontaneous.. not really "everyday basis" stuff. So in general, I have been able to choose wisely what I want out of life.

But I need to translate that more and more into every single action, every single second.

I'm too lazy, but one of these days I must create a new list of all the life lessons I have thought of and tried to integrate into my life. Before they keep getting flushed into the sink.

time for the exercizzors to begin soon

because i'm vain, i need to feel humanly strong.

i just can't immerse myself in tiny worlds anymore

there's just so much more i have to do in this world that I can't move out or within